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"I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin' it total rockstar from Mars. And... people can't figure me out." - Charlie Sheen
Here is Maher's rant, in its entirety:
"I don't care. I mean, you know me, I've been a social libertarian. I don't care if you do drugs, I don't care if you have goddesses... skanks. But all this talk from Charlie about how he's tired of pretending he's not a rock star from Mars. Dude, you're on Two And A Half Men. You're on, like, the lamest sitcom ever. This is what no one is talking about. How can you be this cool if the central thing you do is not that cool? 'I have tiger's blood and Adonis DNA and normal brains can't process me.' You play Uncle Sleazy on Bringing Up Chunky. That's what you do for a living. 'I'm an F-18 that will melt your face off.' No, you're on CBS. The old person's network. So, you know, can we stop all the talk about 'magic in my fingertips'? You know, magic is Shakespeare and Leaves of Grass and Stanley Kubrick. Who gives a fuck what happens to Two and a Half Men? This movement. Oh yes, write your network executives and your Congressman cause if we don't have a ninth season of Two and a Half Men, art will die."
And because nothing is complete without a Sarah Palin slam:
"And America said forget Wisconsin, forget the Middle East. Charlie Sheen is coming off a coke high, it is funny. It is funny that he keeps waving a paper saying he passed a drug test. How is that good for his image? It just mean he's like that sober?"
"He said, one interviewer said, "Are you bi-polar?" He said, “I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there.” So yes, it's childish, it’s needlessly defensive, it makes no sense. So if you ever wondered what it would be like if Sarah Palin was on coke."
After this, is there anything else to say? Let's hope nothing.
Video below via. Full monologue here.
The Meta-Joke
On “The Late Late Show,” the host, Craig Ferguson, rather than simply not make jokes at Charlie Sheen’s expense, announced his decision to not make jokes at Mr. Sheen’s expense (and inadvertently got a laugh in the process).
There was a mental hospital in London, it’s been there for a very long time. It started as a priory in I think the 12th or 13th century. Anyway, it’s called Bedlam. And what happened was, in the 18th century, people used to go along and pay money — they would pay a penny — and they would look through the peepholes of the cells. And they would look at the lunatics and they would laugh at them. ...
So I’m looking at the Charlie Sheen thing unfold, and I’m thinking “Aw, man!” [Applause, laughter] No, no, no, no, no.
The Meta-Theory
Jacob Weisberg explained in Slate that he is not particularly interested in celebrities like Mr. Sheen — but that he is “extremely interested in why other people are so interested in them.” He entertained several different theories of celebrity fascination.
Finally, celebrity obsession may simply be economically rational activity in the sense that everyone involved in the value chain — celebrities, agents, producers, paparazzi, publishers, etc. — makes more money than they would otherwise. Celebrity “journalism” is not only diabolically popular but cheap to produce, which explains why People is America’s most profitable magazine. ... Charlie Sheen may not get $10 million for his memoirs, but they’re worth more than they were this time last year. It does not seem impossible that his “breakdown” has been entirely calculated.
The Meta-Hand-Wringing
On New York magazine’s Vulture blog, Willa Paskin posted “The Argument You’re Having With Yourself About Charlie Sheen,” a mock monologue that purports to “trace the Möbius strip of what happens in the human brain when it really thinks about Charlie Sheen.”
Ha, Charlie Sheen is so crazy! Look at him, talking about warlocks and tiger blood and octagons! ...
But when people are on drugs, or having mental-health problems, they are good at saying crazy things. ...
If he’s going to talk to basically anyone with a pulse and a recording device in such a highly entertaining fashion, what’s the harm in being entertained? ...
But what’s really entertaining us? ... Face it, this is a guy who could die. Just look at him!
You’re taking this way too seriously. He’s not going to die. I totally have him in my celebrity death pool just in case, though.
But don’t you see how cynical that is?
What is wrong with being cynical about Charlie Sheen? ...
I’m sorry, but aren’t you starting to maybe like him a little?
No. No. I’m laughing at him. Well, I’m pretty sure I’m just laughing at him.
The Meta-Media
On the New York Times Magazine’s blog, Adam Sternbergh weighed in on the media cycle of weighing in on Mr. Sheen.
If you’ve been following the Charlie Sheen Self-Immolation World Tour 2011 ... you’ve noticed that we are now in Defcon Three of Celebrity Scandal: The “Whither Society” portion of the meltdown. Defcon Five is the scandal itself. Defcon Four is the all-of-us-watching-with-mouths-agape phase. With Defcon Three comes the clothes-rending: Are we enablers? Should we be egging him on? Is this actually news? And most worrying of all: why do we care?
The Meta-Interpretation
Walter Kirn posted on his blog “The Uses of Charlie Sheen, a Wittgensteinian Investigation,” in which he analyzed three ways of analyzing Mr. Sheen.
1. As Cautionary Tale. Acutely problematic. Since Sheen’s biography bears little relationship to the experiences of most civilians, it’s hard to know how exactly he went wrong or how, under the circumstances ... he might have avoided going wrong. ...
2. As Social Media Binding Agent. Marvelously efficient and unlikely ever to be surpassed. In the endless one and a half days since Sheen shrugged off his fictional carapace as the “star” of “Two and a Half Men” ... and launched his new “reality” career as a live-wire interview subject who was at first authentically unstable but is surely enough of a performer to realize now what the audience expects from him and to deliver it with all his might, meaning he’s now both unstable and feigning unstable, Sheen has emerged as the consummate, perhaps defining, subject of social media conversations. ...
3. As Secret Superhero of the Id. Profoundly influential yet puzzling. At a time when few of us know firsthand exactly what total self-gratification would constitute if our means and our access to party supplies were infinite, we are left to infer from Sheen’s aftermath appearance ... what it’s like to do everything you want to anyone you want to do it to in a safe and luxurious environment while you’re the highest you can be.
The Meta-Sheen
On Twitter, Mr. Sheen took a swipe at his show’s executive producer, Chuck Lorre, and expressed his lack of interest in an invitation to appear on Nancy Grace’s TV talk show, thereby joining the conversation about the coverage of himself.
Just got invited to do the Nancy Grace show. ...I’d rather go on a long road trip with Chuck Lorre in a ’75 Pacer.
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